Begin guest transmission by Leigh Alexander:
Broadcast square foot traffic dies down in the rare and precious early hours, leaving only swarms of detritus, a few sleeping stragglers. But the lights are still on, the giant screens, a merry chime sounding out through the darkness: NBN is Making News!
The uneasy collision of dawn and halogen lights the first morning commuters as the lens eye follows them down the street. If you come and stand in the center of the square, you can even see yourself on the big screen. Tourists wave innocently: “Look, mama,” cries a child, clutching her stuffed dinosaur, “we’re on TV!”
Imagine a mascot — Enby-chan — a sunshine-yellow cartoon with lenses for eyes, singing and dancing:
Connecting friends across the nation
Helping you share your information
This is NBN. We offer programs, products and services that connect your busy life. All we need to improve our offering is just a little bit of your personal information. You can start young. We have an edutainment division. This holiday season, why not give your child their own adorable, lens-eyed toy? Brilliantly engineered by the youthsome genius Jackson Howard to be your friend for life. Jackson Howard has not been heard from except in whispers since he signed his contract with the National Broadcast Network all those years ago.
We are the world’s most agile information network. You can connect all of your household products to be smart and aware. You can play games on social media. It’s fun.
Tag, you’re it, sings Enby-chan.
You have to understand that we can’t have outsiders messing with our vast proprietary network. You have to understand that we take customer service seriously. You have to understand that if hostiles enter our infrastructure, well, golly. We just have to trace them.
Tune in this afternoon for all our brand-new midseason programming on hostiles. We heard our viewers are interested in the lives of runners, so here’s a live feed of Andromeda in the shower. It’s Sweeps Week! Breaking news: There’s a police chase against a hostile. We’re right up in there. Action. Several police vehicles chased down a transport reportedly engineered by the terrorist sympathiser Kati Jones today. Someone get on that obituary. Remember: NBN is the only resource you really need.
You know, we just give people what we want. What you want, that’s to say.
We’re sorry, but you can’t opt out of our customer tracking program. Your personal information helps us build products and services more quickly. Our sysops are very vigilant. Your data is under tight guard, don’t worry. Something might get lost if you try to go and check, though. You should leave it alone.
You can come in, but it costs you.
We’re sorry, all our operators are busy right now and we can’t tell you why your access to the banking network seems to have been revoked. Must be technical difficulties.
We’re sorry, but when you wake up dry-mouthed in a crash space and you don’t know where your next meal is coming from, that’s news to us. We’re just bringing truth to the people, about you. Your search history isn’t private and it’s very troubling, actually. The world wants to know.
It’s a lot of fun. We have some plans underway to make your entertainment and news even more immersive, a 360-degree experience that even comes to sleep with you. We have some plans underway to write our name on the moon. Thank you for participating in our market research.
The security guard is pounding down the door. You might need to pay him to forget where you live. Information doesn’t really die, but people do. When your time comes, we’ll be on the scene. Reporting, I mean. You ARE the story. You’ll make the five o’clock cast. It’s participatory.
If you want to be a story, we can make that happen.
End guest transmission by Leigh Alexander